Change

Hi everyone!

My promise to continue blogging may appear to be going unfulfilled, however I have been intentionally avoiding blogging as I have been somewhat at a loss as to how to detail the two months since arriving back in Canada. With the weather finally beginning to feel like spring, a feeling of fresh beginnings, I decided this would be a perfect time (and theme) for my post.

As foreshadowed in my life lessons post, there has been a major “reality” adjustment upon returning to Canada. I will never forget waking up my first morning back in Canada, freezing my butt off walking to the car, getting to the hairdresser and sitting in the chair for my first real haircut in 13 months (I refuse to define my cuts in Turkey and Singapore as legitimate cuts). I had never met this particular hairdresser before, my beloved hairdresser was unable to fit me into her very busy schedule, and subsequently I was thrust into the throws of hairdresser small talk. The lightening speed of the conversation and the range of topics covered had my head spinning, I felt completely overwhelmed and speechless. I felt like laughing and crying all at the same time, something once so familiar felt totally foreign. She did an absolutely fantastic job, but instead of feeling light and rejevenated, I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever be able to readjust.

I had very little time to ponder this, and the million other questions that rang through my conscious and subconscious brain. Hindsight, ever 20/20, leads me to the conclusion perhaps a week from landing back in Canada to returning to work may have been inadequate for readjustment. At first I believed it would be good to be thrown headfirst back into the “real” world. ‘Baptism by fire,’ as the age old adage goes. There was a fire alright, but not in a positive, productive way. I told myself it was because I had been away from retail for so long, that it was due to me taking a full year off, that once I got back into the swing of things, it would be fine. But, you know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you when things just aren’t right? I had that feeling every moment, of every day. If traveling has taught me anything, it is that you never ignore that feeling. So I listened.

In a manner I can only define as serendipitous, I was presented with an opportunity to join an exciting, dynamic team that perfectly suits my ideals and philosophy for a working environment. I am incredibly happy I listened to my gut feeling and made the big, scary decision to change positions. It was a major risk, but nothing in comparison to risking my happiness.

Despite being incredibly satisfied and happy with my new position, I am finding it hard to get back on the “hamster wheel” of life. The “wheel” I am referencing goes a little something like this;

You work hard every day to have money to buy things you don’t need that tie you down and make it impossible to lead any other lifestyle.

That old thing.

It is a very interesting, yet difficult, transitional period in my life. I feel I am in purgatory as I don’t want to be traveling long-term at the moment, but I am also finding it difficult to be fully invested in every day ‘normal’ life. To me, both are equally extreme forms of lifestyles. I am searching for the sweet spot, the happy medium where hopefully I will discover the balance I crave.

I realize this post is [more than a little] disjointed, jumbled, and slightly chaotic. It is an honest and direct reflection of how I feel at this moment in time. And I have realized that is 100% okay. The ending is also untidy, and trailing. That too, is okay.

I am sorry it has taken so long for me to write this. I have tried many times to find the perfect words to describe this tumultuous time. There are no perfect words, only the truth. Blogging is a wonderful way to process things and try and make sense of it all. It is a glimpse into my life and it is part of my commitment to be vulnerable, and bold with how I live it.

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2 thoughts on “Change

  1. Hi Kathleen, I really appreciate the honesty and soul searching in your post! It must be really difficult for you to re-adapt into the working life. I hope you can find your happy medium. I think I know how you feel as well. I know I can definitely not live in the same place forever (I’ve had enough of Nova Scotia and can’t wait until my next adventure). As for working hard to get stuff that I don’t need, that would never get me out of bed. Rather I would like to work to serve a purpose, hopefully that is fulfilling to me. Hopefully the
    money I make goes towards a great adventure, or just many small ones. I look forward to the prospect of moving every 4-5 years, and starting over. Exploring the next neighbourhood or province where I live.
    I’m hoping I will never get on the hamster wheel, and won’t be afraid to make a change or improve my circumstances wherever and whenever I can.
    I hope you find comfort wherever you can and start enjoying your life again wherever it may be, you’re far too young to have such a bleak outlook to the working life. Try and take enjoyment from life wherever you can find it.

    Like

    • Hi Jeana,
      Thank you so much for your advice and sharing your personal goals. This post has connected me with so many incredible people who have shared their outlook and way of living- it is exactly what I needed.
      I would love to get together sometime for a coffee- perhaps the next time I am in Halifax or if you ever venture my way let me know:)
      Cheers-
      Kathleen

      Like

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